Over time I learned that having herpes was not a death sentence. There are definitely worst things that can happen. And guess what? Living with herpes doesn't stop you from having
the pleasurable sex life that you deserve!
Tips for Disclosing Your Herpes Status
Think of What You're Going to Say Ahead of Time
Practice what you plan to say, be direct as possible, and don't apologize about your status
Safety First - Meet in a Public Space
Meet in a place such as a park or coffee shop where you can have a private conversation, but other people are around just in case things happen to go left.
Offer to Provide More Information
They might not have questions right away and that’s normal, they might need time to process. Here's some information that you can provide them with in the meantime:
Herpes is more common than many people think
What type of herpes you have (oral vs genital)
If you're on daily medication or take it as needed
Things that may trigger your outbreaks
Signs/symptoms of herpes if transmitted
May vary from person to person
They might not understand if/how herpes may impact sexual activity. If you experience outbreaks, share some information about how often they occur.
Let them know you’ll be willing to answer questions if they come up later
You are not obligated to tell them how you contracted herpes. If it comes up, tell them that it’s information you prefer not to discuss.
Understand that Rejection Happens
Not everyone will accept your herpes status. Rejection might be hard, but remember that not every potential partner will react this way. There are people who will be ready to move forward after learning about your status.
Breathe
Disclosing your status can be a very nerve-wrecking task. Take a few moments to breathe...whether it's your first time disclosing or your fourth, you made it!
A Guide To Having Sex With Herpes
Disclose your status to your partner(s)
Avoid sexual activities during an outbreak, including when you feel an outbreak coming
Talk with your provider about antiviral medication to help suppress the virus and heal outbreaks
Use condoms and dental dams to lower the chances of transmission to your partner(s)
Acknowledge (and accept) the potential risk of transmission even with condoms
Explore non-sexual forms of intimacy and pleasure
Remember that herpes does not make you less deserving of a pleasurable sex life
Things That Can Trigger a Herpes Outbreak
Diet
Stress
Lack of Sleep
Lack of Exercise
Hormonal Changes
Friction from Sexual Intercourse
Sometimes outbreaks happen just because. These triggers can vary from person to person and even over time. Whenever you're having an outbreak, journal any activities or changes so you can hopefully identify what may be your trigger(s).
For a downloadable version of this guide, visit here.
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